Vacation a time to rest

Vacation is a time for rest and rejuvenation.. This week will be good .. We are doing good and handling things well. Thank you for prayers :)

Thursday the day of disaster!

OH MY! If i did not have Jesus in my life, who knows what I would have done. Today my day started with heavy bleeding and cramping. Followed by a horrible dream of being trapped and then a horrible doctors appointment that I went to alone. I will never go to that Doc again. First I waited for 30 min in a room alone with tons of baby stuff around me, naked and trying to not get the bed dirty... Then when he came in he did an exam and gave me a picture of my empty womb! What the Heck!! So I went to work and when I got there I was greeted by a rude manager and was already upset and did not want to deal with him. I then went to my office and spilled my tea all over my desk, then there was no Internet access so I could not work. Mind you I have been out of the office all week and I need to work cause I am going on vacation next week. By the time the IT guy got there the Internet was working cause he did the same exact thing that I did which was unplug the Internet... Hello, I did that !!! I got a pedicure and then went home to cuddle up in my bed and cry!! It was such a horrible day and then It all hit me.. I am not pregnant anymore.. Doubt started to creep in and I started thinking. I refuse to let the Devil use this to rip me apart. I refuse to let him take my mind and my soul and I refuse to let him come in between me and my husband. I know that God is doing something big cause the Devil ain't happy about it. I know that my victory is coming. I just have to hold on. HOld on to the miracle that God is doing, Hold on cause my string that I was hanging on to is now a rope... I know it is coming.

So with all that... I am thankful that I have God to lean on cause I know and I pray for those that don't have that hope that I do. Lord please help them.. Thank you for being my strength..

Day to Day...

Today is day two of staying home. I am still cramping and still have lots of pain but I feel better. My mom is coming today to stay with me. It will be nice to see her. I think we both need eachother right now. Michael has been awesome and I could not ask for anything more. He is the best husband ever.. thank you Lord for blessing me with a wonderful man..

Today was the day :(

Today was the day I woke up with the worse cramps in my entire life!! It started last night. I knew this was coming , I could feel it all weekend. So Mike stayed home with me today. By 8:45 my cramps were so bad that I did not know what to do. Since I am a bari patient, the nurse had the doctor give me something I could take since I can not take Motrin or Ibprofin. I tried to avoid taking the meds they gave me which was Vicodin but the pain was to much. About half hour into the first pill my pain was subsiding. However it still was bad, so the nurse called and told me to take another one as prescribed. I did take that and my pain was limited and my body was numb. Let me tell you that is some good stuff!! The day consisted of Vicodin and heating pads and rest. By 3 pm I finally lost the baby.... I think at this point I did not know what to feel. I went on with the day and just let it be. My body is numb and my mind is crazy. I know this too will pass.. ..

A very bad Friday

Today was the most emotional day of my life. I can't take this knowing that I am going to lose my baby. I know there is reason for everything but the anticipation of knowing drives me crazy!! I know this sounds awful but I really am praying that God does not let this linger on any more. .. Please Lord.. When I got home Mike said lets go.. We went to Disneyland and had a great date night and no reminders of what is happening. I love him..

Day by Day

Today is a good day. Although I still have heartache, each day God is renewing my spirit. My life and future rests in his hands.
Today my devotion read this: " Pure Gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it's your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory."- 1 Peter 1:7

How perfect. God knows exactly what I need to hear right now. I know that there is a plan , and I know it is hard to see, but I hanging in there. Lots of things going on in my head but God is moving and working. I can feel HIM and his presence. I have so much love and support and I am so greatful for. Yes it is still hard to be around others and especially the children that I so love so much, my heart breaks.. but I know my time is coming.

Last night I had a really tough time at the game with the kids, and so I started Journaling this.. maybe the start of a great Song...

Lord my heart crys out to you
Won't you come and make it new
Fill my void, cause it hurts so much
Come and fill my void

Lord my heart crys out to you
fill my cup oh Lord cause it needs to be renewed
Come restore my soul , come and make me whole

Cause I need you.... Oh Lord my heart needs You, Oh Lord my souls longs for you ...
Come and Make me New !!


Each day is a new one.. Until tomorrow..

REMINDER

Although I am having some rough patches, a friendly reminder that Lord you are the strength of my life..Everyday I look to you, to be the Strength of my life . Your the hope I hold on to, to be the strength of my life.