Overwhelming Feeling

I am so overwhelmed this weekend. I feel like so emotional. I need to keep trusting in God. He will bring us through no matter what happens. Mike and I said that if there is still nothing on this ultra sound then we will still wait .. No more testing, just wait.
Lord please give me your strength and comfort. I can't do this on my own.

More Levels

Well today I tested my levels again. The nurse told me that they need to be in the high 38000. Well, they were not. They only went up 6000. I am so upset and scared. I have no idea what to think. I am praying so hard and I feel like my faith is nothing right now. I don't want to question God . I need to rely on Him and what He wants for His will, not mine. Mike is still standing firm and believing that everything is okay. He reminded me of all the times we have seen the doctors in regards to having children and each one has said , no , you cant have kids. Each test has come back negative and showing no hope. Mike reminded me that we Serve a God bigger than those tests. So I am going to trust and Believe. The nurse called this morning and said that she wants me to come in on Tuesday afternoon 2/16 for another Ultra sound and more blood to be sure that my pregnancy is progressing. She said we need to see a yolk sac and a fetal pole, Anything showing that there is somthing in there.
I am so beyond myself. I don't even know what to think. I am just praying. God you know my heart and you know my desire. I need your strength now more than ever. Lord please bring me peace and comfort to the situation..

Uh Oh !

Today we went to see my OB for the first check up and to be sure that everything is progressing. Get into the room with the doctor and he does an Ultra sound and says there was no baby. I was like "what"?? What does that mean no baby.. No explanation just that there was a possibilty that I could be off on my dates but that I may miscarry. So I said okay, well what happens now? He said we are going to do a series of tests on you to be sure your pregnancy is progressing. So he scheduled me for blood work to test HGC levels. As soon as the doctor left the room, I fell apart. Here I am so excited to be pregnant and now it has all been ripped away from me and doubted started to creep in.. I know that I am not supposed to doubt my God and his powerful hand. I was just so scared. Mike immediatley said " Jess, it is fine. This is a miracle, it will be okay". S0 now we did blood and my HGC levels were at 22676. That is pretty high. The nurse called me and told me that on Wednesday we need my levels to double. So today and tomorrow I will be on pins and needles.. I need to trust God.

Was it a DREAM?/

Okay so I woke up this morning thinking , it was a dream. Then I found the test and said Nope!! No dream:) Today we saw my doctor. He confirmed our pregnancy and now that makes 7 tests.. and he said I would be okay. My main concern was eating. Since I don't eat that much I wanted to be sure that the baby is getting enough. He said that yes I am fine and just to eat when I am hungry. So now , before when I was hungry I would ignore, now I have to eat something. The plan is to stick to my routine of excersise. However, I am so tired that I am dragging to do it. It is weird cause I have not felt like this in 7 months! So Now we are on a new journey. No sickness, thank goodness cause Lord knows I need all my food to stay down.. My first OB app is February 3rd... So far away!!

Unexpected Miracle!

Where do I start!! Lots of catching up to do. First let me start off and say. My God is a God of miracles. He is clearly showing me that this week and throughout my new journey. This week we have been pushing our excersise routine hard. I was having a hard time not understanding why my weight was not dropping as quickly. I came to terms that I have lost 103lbs and that the rest of it will have to be worked off hard. So I was talking to Michael about how my body was feeling a little weird and that I should take a test just to be sure that I was not pregnant. Was not a big priority cause in the back of my head I just knew it would come out Negative. So we went about our weekend and today (Sunday) after church I came home and had a whole Orange. That my friends is big! I have never been able to eat a whole orange. So we invited our family over for a BBQ cause it was a nice day and we wanted to have chicken. Michael worked in the garage as I went to the market. As I was there I picked up a PG test so I could know for sure and then got what I needed ( including a bag of M&M's , peanut). I came home and took the test and left it there and went to the kitchen to finish my cooking. Well I totally forgot I peed on that stick and went back to clean up and see that it said Negative, and lo and behold it said in BIG Bold Letters... PREGNANT!! I freaked out , ran to the garage and yelled, "MICHAEL!! , THIS THING IS LYING AND SAYING WE ARE PREGNANT!! .. and then I proceeded to the bedroom in a paniced manner. He looked and followed and said well "CONGRATULATIONS!! " I said... wait we need to take another one cause what if this is wrong. So he said take it, but I could not pee right then and there so, we had to wait an hour!! Longest Hour EVER!! Took another one and the other one came out PREGNANT as well. WHOA!! Were we blown away!! Imediatlely I started thinking what if I am not eating enough or what if.. or what if.. or what if... I got scared. So we told our family and Silvia and my mom were both very excited! According to the calendar I will be due in September.

After along evening.. Mike said .." You know lets go get another test from another store and a whole other brand... " I said okay.. We took those three and sure enough, all 3 said I was pregnant! So I think 5 tests in one day is enough to say we are having a BABY!!!

Thank you Lord, for this miracle in our lives. When man said no, you said yes! Thank you God for this journey ... I am so greatful and love you more than words . You are truely a God of Miracles and I will not worry:) It is in your hands..
AMEN

Excersising my life away !

So last night since it was raining Henry and Liv invited us to go on a guest pass to their gym with them. So I did. The gym is so different when you actually want to be there. LOL. So I wanted to make sure I got my run in which I did. I ran a mile, then I did a mile on the eliptical and then I did 2 miles on the bike. I felt awesome! I am really enjoying this excersise thing. I never thought I would say that.. Then last night after all that, I decided that I need to start trying to tighten my stomach up a little. So since I have the ab lounge that my aunt gave me I actually used it last night. I did 4 sets of 20 and oh my.. was I in pain at the last set but I pushed through. I am truely happy.. Thank you Lord for all that you are doing and showing me through this time :)

My Molly is Gone :(

Still hard to believe. My black lab Molly has left us. She passed away last night at 10. We are still not sure what happened. She was sick from one day to the next. I prayed for her and with her and with my mom. I was really upset. I will miss her soo much. She was my friend, my hiking partner literally . When I could not make it up the hill, she came back for me.. I will truely miss her. It breaks my heart to think of her. I do believe that God allows us to have these friendships with our animals and I do believe that one day I will see her again. :) I Love you so much Molly. My aunt sent me this poem and it is so appropriate:

THE RAINBOW BRIDGE

There is a bridge connecting heaven and earth...it is called the rainbow bridge because of its many colors...just this side of the rainbow bridge there is a land of meadows, hills and valleys with lush grass.... when a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place, there is always food and water and warm spring weather...the old and frail animals are young again, those who are mained are made whole again... they play all day with each other.... there is only one thing missing... they are not with their special person who loved them on earth...so, each day they run and play until the day comes when one suddenly stops playing and looks up! the nose twitches! the ears are up! the eyes are staring! and this one suddenly runs from the group! you have been seen and when you and your special friend meet, you take him or her in your arms and embrace... your face is kissed again and again and again, and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet... then you cross the rain bow bridge together.... never again to be separated.

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